Stepping Away, Not Running Away

Last night, as I was attempting to fall asleep I was thinking about my Cupid comic. Of course. Most nights I keep myself up thinking about this idea I started some time last year. It was a beautiful creation that slowly morphed into an evil being. How did this get so wrong? I’m sure a lot of authors or any other creator has come to moments like this in their work.

It all started with an idea. A cute plan. Oh, how excited I was to come up with a clever storyline. I shared my idea with family and a couple of friends. They encouraged me to write it and I did. The story was written in a script format because I was ready to get more of my art out there. Creating a webtoon was a wonderful idea and a new dream was in my head. By the end of last year the script was finished. I was so excited for 2020 so I could get the drawings started. My motivation was hard to find after the start of the year, but eventually I started drawing and creating the comic. I was super excited. Now I realize 2020 was more of a crash year than I was prepared to take on.

While all the chaos in the world was happening around me, I was being careful and working on my comic. Setting goals to draw each episode for the online comic, missing those goals, feeling down about myself, then losing all excitement to draw for a long time. Then the excitement would suddenly appear and I would be back in the flow of things. Sadly, this series of events was almost routine by September. Then November hit and I decided to take one of these mini breaks so I could find my motivation again. Well, the year is almost over and I hate to say it, but my motivation has yet to make it’s appearance. I have been feeling upset and sad over this for a long time now. It’s been terrible and I didn’t now how to help myself. Then I reached a realization as I was trying to fall asleep last night.

I am a self-publishing author and I do not have any deadlines I am required to meet.

I’m not certain when I allowed myself to place any deadlines in my calendar for this. Nor am I certain at what point I decided I needed to do this. I’m sure there are a lot of family members and some friends who are looking forward to reading this comic I occasionally talk about, but no one is locking me in to have it released by a certain date. This realization allowed me to relax and it seems I was able to pass out for a long night.

What does this mean for those who were excited or curious about my comic? Should you walk away from me and let go of me some day releasing my idea to the world? No. Never. My plan is to let go of my idea but not throw it away. I will save all the work I have done and ignore it for a while. The stress and misery I am feeling has a chance to appear in my work. This means I will work on my other art pieces for my Etsy shop (https://www.etsy.com/shop/ShelbyBoydeArt) and I have a chapter novel idea that’s been bouncing around in my head. Cupid will not be locked away forever, but his stories need to be put on hold until I am feeling better. I am happy I am doing this and this only means something better for you in the end.

It’s not always a great feeling to step away, but you need to do what’s best for you. This year has been difficult for most. Take the time to figure our your own plan. Don’t let imaginary deadlines or expectations hold you down. Only you know what’s best for you. Don’t let your plans lock you in place like me. Work hard but don’t stress hard.

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